Parallelism and Thesis statements.

I have a few simple rules about thesis statements.

• A thesis is never a question.
• There is an impulse with students to try to use the question from a prompt as their thesis statements.  This is a poor impulse.  At the very least, the thesis statement should be the answer to the question, but never the question itself.
• A thesis is never a fact.
• We will be doing a couple of compare and contrast essays in class, mostly in preparation for the final.  The most common thesis structure for for these kinds of essays is "There are similarities and there are differences between X and Y." This isn't very useful information.  There are similarities and differences between myself and a kumquat, but that doesn't make for good essay writing.  In fact, there are similarities and differences between all sorts of things.  These simply exist and are not arguable.  However, the minute you claim that those similarities mean something, the minute you give them weight in the world, give them implication, is the minute when you've gone from facts to an arguable position.
• A thesis takes a position.
• It does not matter if you can see all sides of an issue, which, in itself, is something to be applauded.  You must take a stance when making an argument.  You must choose one side, out of all the possible sides, that you most lean toward.  It is problematic to argue the middle, even if it's desirable.  Choose a position, even if it's one with which you only sort of, kind of agree.
• A good thesis outlines the rest of the essay
• I'm a big fan of what I call the roadmap method of thesis statements.  A good thesis not only states your position, but calls attention to the structure, or at least the big, structural ideas, you're going to use to support your thesis.  These ideas should come, if not in the thesis statement (and let's face it, with compound and complex sentences at your disposal, there is little reason why they should not) then as physically near to it as you can make it.  These ideas should also be in the order in which you plan to present them in the essay.  Always check your thesis statement after completing an essay to make sure that your paragraph order matches your roadmap. Sometimes things change while your writing.  Make sure your opening reflects those changes.
• A good thesis is elegant and maintains parallelism.  
• Parallelism is the act of making sentence structures parallel, or grammatically even.  It is when you give structures in sentences the same grammatic slope.  Not every sentence need maintain perfect parallelism, but your thesis statement should stive for as perfect a parallelism as you can muster.  Remember: when in doubt, break your sentence into several sentences and look at the structures
• Marriage is a sacred act between two people who sign their autonomy away on a piece of paper, give rings, and make sure that a priest or rabbi or minister or rabbit or duck or friend with access to the internet witnesses the whole thing so that the state will recognize their union.
•   Marriage is a sacred act between two people who sign their autonomy away on a piece of paper.
• Marriage is a sacred act between two people who give rings
• Marriage is a sacred act between two people who make sure that a priest or rabbi or minister or rabbit or duck or friend with access to the internet witnesses the whole thing so that the state will recognize their union
• Notice the lack of parallelism?
• Marriage is a sacraed act between two people who sign their autonomy away on a piece of paper, give each other rings to signify their bondage, and make sure that a minister legalizes the deal.
• Better.